Why am i always overthinking? (and how to quiet the noise)
If your brain feels like a browser with 47 tabs open and three of them are playing music and one is flashing “urgent” then you’re not alone.
Overthinking is one of the most common things I see in the women I work with. It shows up as replaying conversations from years ago, imagining worst-case scenarios, obsessing over decisions (big or small), and feeling mentally exhausted by the end of the day… even if you never left your house.
Sound familiar?
Let’s dig into what’s really going on and how you can start to get some peace and clarity back.
What Is Overthinking, Really?
Overthinking isn’t just “thinking a lot.” It’s a form of mental looping where your brain tries to solve problems by running endless scenarios, rehashing the past, or predicting the future.
It’s often fueled by anxiety, perfectionism, or people-pleasing. This is because your brain thinks that if it just works hard enough, you’ll finally feel safe or in control.
But here’s the catch: the more you try to think your way into safety, the more stuck you feel. Overthinking creates the illusion of productivity while robbing you of clarity and peace.
Why Does It Happen?
Let’s get nerdy for a second.
When you’re anxious, your brain’s default mode network (the part that gets busy when you’re not actively focused on something) goes into overdrive. This part is involved in self-reflection and rumination. Great for creativity but actually not so great when you're already anxious.
Also, your nervous system can’t tell the difference between a real threat and a perceived one. That means your body might respond to an awkward text exchange the same way it would to a bear in the woods. Cue: heart racing, muscles tensing, and thoughts spiraling.
What Overthinking Looks Like in Real Life
“Did I say the wrong thing in that meeting?”
“Should I have texted that? Should I text again to clarify?”
“What if I made the wrong choice?”
“What if I fail? What if I succeed and still feel empty?”
Overthinking is sneaky. It convinces you that you're just being thorough, responsible, or self-aware when really, it’s wearing down your energy and confidence.
3 Ways to Start Calming the Overthinking Cycle
1. Notice the Pattern, Gently
Instead of beating yourself up for spiraling (which just adds fuel), try:
“I notice my brain is working hard to protect me. Thank you, brain. But I don’t need this loop right now.”
That pause is powerful. It shifts you from being inside the thought to observing it.
I like to give that part of my brain a nick name so I’ll say “Okay Yolanda, I don’t need you right now”
2. Give Your Brain a Task
The mind loves to chew on something. Instead of letting it gnaw on fears, give it a job:
Go for a walk and name five things you see in detail. Get out of your mind and into your body any way that feels good for you.
Do a “brain dump” journal for 10 minute with absolutely no censoring.
Engage your senses (splash cold water, smell essential oils, hum, or stretch).
These signal to your nervous system that it’s safe to shift gears.
3. Talk It Out With a Pro
Overthinking thrives in isolation. Speaking your thoughts out loud especially with a therapist can help you untangle what’s real, what’s fear, and what’s just noise. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.
You’re Not Broken; You’re Just Burned Out and Wired for Safety
Overthinking isn’t a character flaw. It’s a survival strategy that’s been running too long without a reset. If you're craving more calm, clarity, and actual rest, therapy can help you stop spinning and start healing.
Want to feel more grounded and less in your head?
I’d love to help. I work with anxious, perfectionistic women who are ready to get unstuck—and actually live their lives again.