Navigating the Silent Struggle: A Compassionate (and Slightly Sarcastic) Look at Infertility
Infertility is one of those deeply personal journeys no one warns you about. You think it won’t happen to you until it does. It’s painful, confusing, and strangely full of unsolicited advice from your great-aunt’s neighbor’s daughter who “just stopped trying” and got pregnant with twins.
If you’ve ever fought back tears in the baby aisle at Target or smiled through gritted teeth during yet another pregnancy announcement… I see you. And you’re not alone.
What Is Infertility, Really?
Medically, infertility is defined as the inability to conceive after one year of unprotected sex (or six months if you're over 35). Emotionally, it feels more like:
Obsessively tracking your cycle like it's a high-stakes science experiment
Peeing on ovulation sticks like it’s your part-time job
Crying every 28 days
Dodging baby showers like you’re in a stealth video game
And, yes—Googling “best supplements for fertility” at 2 a.m. (again)
Infertility is a full-time job—except it comes with no vacation days, a sky-high emotional toll, and zero guarantees.
You Are Not Broken
Let’s get something straight: infertility does not mean you're broken, less-than, or doing something wrong.
It affects 1 in 8 couples and the numbers are rising. Half of the time it is male issue yet the female often carries much of the burdern alone. And no, it's not because you drank diet soda in 2009 or wore high-waisted jeans too often. The factors that are thought to add to infertility are varied and require specialized support and testing.
You are doing the best you can in a situation that is emotionally and physically brutal. If your body feels like it’s betraying you—please know: you are not alone in that feeling, and you are not failing.
The Emotional Toll No One Talks About
Infertility is grief on repeat. Every cycle starts with hope, and ends with another loss. Another maybe-not-this-month. Another emotional gut punch.
Common side effects include:
Mood swings that make even you question what version of yourself is driving
Jealousy that shows up uninvited (and brings guilt with it)
Feeling like your identity is slowly eroding
Wanting to scream every time someone says, “Just relax and it’ll happen!”
(If we had a dollar for every time someone offered that “advice,” we could fund IVF.)
Coping (Without Losing Your Mind)
Here are some ways to support your heart and nervous system through it all:
1. Make space for your grief
This is real loss. Even if others don’t see it, you feel it. Cry. Write. Yell. Get quiet. Do what helps.
2. Laugh when you can
Infertility memes, sarcastic group texts, or dark humor about hormone shots—it’s all fair game. Laughter doesn’t mean you’re not hurting; it means you’re human.
3. Set boundaries
You don’t have to go to the gender reveal party. You don’t have to explain why. You get to protect your peace.
4. Talk to a someone who gets it
You deserve a space to unravel and be supported—without judgment, toxic positivity, or "have you tried adoption?" energy. One of my saving graces during my infertility journey was my AMAZING online support group of TTC women and a therapist who totally got it. You deserve to be surrounded by those who are whole-heartedly there for every high and low.
5. Reconnect with your wholeness
Infertility can feel like it takes over your whole identity. Reconnect with the parts of you that existed before this chapter—and still do now. The creative, curious, strong, soft, intuitive parts of you. Do not give up on your hobbies and interests and make sure to lean into the parts of that make you “you”.
To the Woman Reading This
Whatever your path looks like—whether it leads to parenthood, a different kind of family, or an unexpected unfolding—your story is still worthy. Your pain is valid. And your joy? It’s still possible.
Infertility does not define you. You are not broken. You are brave.
And if you’ve made it through hormone shots, pelvic ultrasounds, awkward family comments, and still managed to show up for yourself even a little? You are a warrior in soft clothing.
Need Support?
At Ember & Oak Counseling, I offer compassionate therapy for women navigating infertility, anxiety, and burnout. If you need a place to exhale—I’m here.
📩 Email me bethany@emberoakcounseling.com
🌿 Learn more about therapy
📅 Book a free consultation on the main page.
You don’t have to carry this alone.