Exposure Exercises for Relationship OCD: Learning to Step Closer to Uncertainty
When you are struggling with Relationship OCD (ROCD), your mind may feel like it is constantly searching for certainty. You might question whether you are with the “right” partner, obsess over feelings of attraction, or analyze every moment of your relationship. These doubts are intrusive, exhausting, and often leave you stuck in a cycle of compulsions that only strengthen the anxiety.
The path toward healing is not about finding perfect certainty. It is about learning to tolerate uncertainty. That is where exposure and response prevention (ERP) comes in. ERP is the gold standard treatment for OCD, including ROCD, and it involves practicing moving toward your fears rather than away from them.
At Ember & Oak Counseling in Columbus, Ohio, I work with women who struggle with anxiety and OCD, including the painful and confusing symptoms of ROCD. Here is what the exposure process can look like.
Step 1: Identify Perceived Threats and Obsessions
Start by writing down the common intrusive thoughts and fears that come up in your relationship. Examples might include:
“What if I don’t really love my partner?”
“What if I am not physically attracted to them enough?”
“What if I made the wrong choice and should be with someone else?”
These are not truths about your relationship. They are obsessions driven by OCD.
Step 2: List Your Compulsions
Next, identify the behaviors you do in order to try to feel better or more certain. These may include:
Mentally scanning your partner’s body to see if you feel attraction
Comparing your relationship to others
Replaying moments to “check” if you felt the right emotions
Asking friends or family for reassurance about your relationship
Compulsions provide temporary relief, but they also keep you locked in the cycle of doubt.
Step 3: Develop a Fear Hierarchy
A hierarchy is a ladder of exposures that move from easier to harder. For example:
Looking at a picture of your partner without checking for attraction
Saying out loud, “I might not love my partner enough”
Watching a romantic movie without comparing your relationship to the characters
Writing a script about being in the wrong relationship and reading it daily
By creating a list that ranks fears from least to most anxiety-provoking, you have a roadmap for exposure practice.
Step 4: Practice Exposure Without Compulsions
This is the heart of ERP. You intentionally bring yourself closer to the anxiety trigger, then resist the urge to engage in compulsions. For example:
Look at your partner and notice the thoughts that arise, but do not scan or check for attraction.
Say to yourself, “Maybe I made the wrong choice” and sit with the discomfort instead of arguing with the thought.
Spend time with your partner without seeking reassurance about your feelings.
Each time you practice, you are teaching your brain that uncertainty is tolerable and that you do not need to rely on compulsions. Over time, the anxiety lessens and you gain confidence in your ability to handle the discomfort.
Why Exposure Works
OCD convinces you that you must find certainty before you can relax. Exposure flips that process. By allowing yourself to experience uncertainty, you are breaking the cycle that keeps OCD alive. ERP does not give you 100 percent certainty about your relationship. Instead, it teaches you how to live fully and meaningfully even with doubt.
How Ember & Oak Counseling Can Help
ERP can feel overwhelming to do on your own. At Ember & Oak Counseling, I specialize in OCD treatment and walk alongside you as you build your hierarchy, practice exposures, and learn how to resist compulsions. You do not have to face the fear of ROCD alone.
I work with women in Columbus, Ohio, and across the state through virtual sessions. Together we can help you step closer to your fears, reclaim your peace, and reconnect with your life and relationships.